{And, thus, she rambles...}
I've always been this way. Always. Despite feeble attempts to remedy this character flaw, I've learned to embrace this inner glitch and come to terms with it's permanence in my being .
I analyze everything.
Jeff would probably include the word over to the afore confessed analyze, but I wouldn't go that far.
Those of you who know me well are agreeing with Jeff, huh?
Fine. (pouty face)
Being married to a mental health therapist doesn't help the situation one iota. Because of Jeff's background and profession and the hours we've spent discussing quirky fractures in ourselves, our kids, family, TV personalities, and the cast of characters at the local Wal-Mart*, I tend to always analyze why people do the things they do and what driving force within them makes them tick and tock. (* we never analyze friends; you guys are safe :) Sometimes this need to figure myself and other people out is helpful in relationships. Other times it's just one more thing that I don't need to worry about but that I do worry about.
The human race is intriguing to me.
As we woke up early yesterday morning to make it to our 9:00 a.m. LDS Sacrament Meeting, I got to fretting about whether or not we were going to make it on time. We have around a 60% success rate. This may seem acceptable to some but, under our self inflicted circumstances, the rate should probably be much higher.
See, we always sit on the front row.
This is by choice - not a forced decision. Several years ago, I was the pianist for the ward choir and had to be to church early for choir practice. On select Sundays when the choir sang during Sacrament Meeting, we would sit near the front so that I didn't have to walk clear up from the back. You know, the whole too-paranoid-to-walk-up-from-the-back-of-the-chapel-in-case-you-trip-or-people-analyze-your-highly-cushioned-derier insecurity complex. We just got used to saving spots in the front and it stuck.
So we sit in the front row every week. And by front row I mean smack dab right in the front row. Right in front of the pulpit. Right in front of the entire ward family. No reservations required. That is our spot.
The Gregson Pew.
So close, in fact, that we can see every quivering lip of emotional speakers. We can see perspiration pooling on nervous foreheads. We get lots of eye contact from the speakers and can give reassuring smiles to those participants who are next in line. We have the front row seat that provides us with a heightened awareness of all the happenings and maneuvers that it takes to orchestrate a smoothly run Sacrament Meeting.
I pose the question to you: Why do Mormons choose the same benches week after week? Are we such creatures of habit? Is familiarity so important to us that we habitually snuggle into our self-designated pews every Sabbath?
I know you know what I'm talking about. You bench huggers, you!
As I analyze why the Adam's always sit on the last row of the right section of the chapel, and the Forbush's sit in the center section of folding chairs in the overflow area, and the Brezoff's hover somewhere around the middle section of the left side, I stop to examine our own peculiarities.
Why, even when we are consistently- ever-so-slightly-tardy to our 9:00 a.m. meeting, do we choose to parade our lack of punctuality in front of an entire congregation who managed to arrive on time?
Several theories:
- Remember the joke in school that the A's were in front of the class and the F's were in back - do you think there's a spiritual version to this? Those who feel they might be in need of some spiritual extra credit sit up front so that they can reap the benefits of more blessings? If I receive this spiritual extra credit, will it erase the fact that I drank too much of my homemade vanilla last week or had unpleasant thoughts about an ornery son of a gun that I chanced to meet along my way?
- Do I sit up front for the safety of my children? I'll openly admit that I, at times, would love nothing more than to pinch off the heads of my oldest children during church. Oh mercy! The whining, and elbowing, and talking, and pestering that goes on amongst the 3 of them. By sitting on the front row, we are within view of the entire Bishopric and any visiting Stake leaders. I just wouldn't be a good Christian woman if I pinched off any heads or even pinched deserving appendages. They are safe for at least 1 hour and 10 minutes.
- Am I afraid that if I sit too far back that my mind (plagued with motherhood onset of ADD) will wander and that I won't focus on getting my spiritual battery recharged? When you are front and center, you are well aware that the speaker knows if you're tuning them out. There's no hiding it. No getting lost in your thoughts or daydreaming of the upcoming New Moon movie (coming out November 20, 2009). There definitely is etiquette that needs to be kept when listening to a speaker. And it does not include taking a nap on your own lap. Or picking your nails. Or last minute repentance of procrastinated lesson preparation. The speaker knows. They always know.
- If you're in the front row, the bread and water isn't picked over. You have less of a chance that sweet little grimy hands have touched your bread and then discarded it for a larger piece. As well, your cup of water is probably less tainted with drips of water from discarded cups. Enough said.
- Do I want Jeff to have an up close and personal view of those beautiful babies being blessed and that, MAYBE, he'll have an inkling that we need just one more drooling bundle of goodness? Come on, times-a-wastin'...
- Maybe we're paranoid that if we switched benches (to a spot that would be less conspicuous of our tardiness) it would throw the whole dynamics of the chapel seating chart off and cause confusion and chaos.
So all you Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura wannabes, here's a chance to stretch your armchair therapist skills...
Save me the effort.
Analyze this perplexity.
8 comments:
When I was growing up my family always sat on the 2nd row and Reed's family always sat on the 2nd row. So where do we sit now? On the 2nd row. I guess we were meant to be together. A match made it heaven or a match made on the 2nd row.
Growing up, my brother and I always sat on the front row -- directly below the organ. My mom was the organist, and wanted us there, so she could keep an eye on us. The problem was, she could see how much we were goofing off, but no one else could -- hence she was often asked why she was scowling at her two precious boys on the front row.
As for my own family, we've never been strict seating assignment people, though we tend to migrate to the back and to one side or the other. But, I will sit in the foyer, before I'll sit on the front row, for precisely your #2 theory: I do NOT want to be the entertainment for the afternoon.
You know what kills me? It's when the chapel is so crowded that they invite people to come sit in the choir seats. Have you EVER seen anyone take then up on that?
I thought you sat there because you were late and that is all that was left. Interesting to me to know you choose to sit there.
I bet you hate it when the primary kids sing and I sit there instead. Next time I'll sit in the row back one as to not take your place.
As for assigned seats, I don't think my family has ever sat on the east side, ever! We might have to try that when our family gets a little smaller.
I don't know, care, or even wonder why you sit where you sit but I L-O-V-E that you think/worry about it because it's darn good reading!! Your clever ramblings (your word, not my belief!) are my fave.
Incidentally, Quincey's family always sat on the front center row. I hope she reads this post and comments...I can think of a handful of others and see perfectly where they sat in our little chapel growing up. Funny.
We sit where we sit depending on arrival time...and we're waaaaay below the 60% threshold, dangit!
You are more like your dad than you want to think you are. That's all I'm going to say. Love you guys!
Ha Ha, you make me laugh! And can I just say that I always thought that it looked like you and Jeff always had the kids well under control up there. I thought that they were always little angels. =) I must say though, that we have always kind of jumped around. But we are usually towards the back when possible. I guess we will have to be all settled down with where we will live for the rest of our lives before we get mature and choose "the bench." =)
I THINK #5 IS THE BEST & CORRECT ANALIZATION!!! :)
I sit where I get the best view (& hearing) - about 5 rows back and in the center. I do this at movies or any other event that I'm part of an audience, too. It's simply the best seat in the house, in my opinion. The front row would cause too much of a kink in my neck -- all that looking UP at the speaker. We had to sit on the front row for the Draper Temple dedication, so we kind of slid down in our seats and rested our head on the top of the bench for support -- and some of us must've got too comfy & fell asleep! ;)
I think once you've got your "spot," you can't move OR ELSE you're taking someone else's "spot." It's real tricky when you move to a new ward - not knowing if MY "best seat" belongs to someone else or not?!? Years ago, when a new ward was created & added to our Stake (& it happened to be ours) I know that's when some people decided to make the change of "spots" since it was all brand new with no history!
Okay, I'm totally basing this on NIELSON behaviors, but maybe you're subconsciously afraid that if you sit in a less conspicuous spot you will arrive even later? By sitting on the front row, you force yourself to be less late (and on time a whopping 60% of Sundays, which was really impressive to ME!)
Maybe our family would be late less (or less late!) if we traded in our middle right long pew for the front row! But we'd have to kick the Griggs family off their front row spot first, which would probably create a domino effect within the ward.
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