Help Wanted

I have 3 problems at the moment.

Could you come to my rescue?

First, I need help breaking up with sugar.  It has courted me the entire month and I happily swooned in its presence.  But now it needs to go home.  I've danced with it in all forms - brown, white, powdered, granulated, superfine, and cane.  I've also kissed its cousins - honey, molasses, and corn syrup.  But the honeymoon is over, the sugar induced coma has set in, and my mind is spinning in sucrose soup.  Even Jeff, the healthiest eater of our bunch, has fallen victim to the addictive effects of  cocoacaine and has developed an insatiable appetite for all confections.

Help is needed immediately.  I need concrete answers.  DO NOT send any psychobabble using the words self-control, will power, or mind over matter. Just send me the recipe for a detoxing casserole.  Or perhaps a movie with subliminal "sugar is your enemy...sugar keeps you hostage" messages throughout.  Maybe a special lotion to rub on my earlobes that will instantly cause all the cravings to cease and desist?  I'm begging you...

{And I'm writing a letter to my Congressman tomorrow.  I think sugar, in all of its vast and evil forms, should be a controlled substance.  Kept under lock and key.}

Second, I look like an idiot playing the Wii.  Grandma and Grandpa Mackintosh gave us one for Christmas.  The kids love it.  I look like an ignoramus.  Taiden and Jeff were getting their kicks last night as I exhibited my lack of Wii grace.  I about threw my shoulder out while playing Toy Story Mania and my quads were on fire due to my awkward stance that I think was way too wide.  

Any suggestions on how to avoid getting my mommy groove on every time I take the controller?  Are there community classes I can take?  Perhaps some self-help courses?

Third, is anyone willing to come take all of my Christmas decorations down, box them up alphabetically in their 2,500 totes, and put them away nicey-neaty in our storage room (which requires the agility of an acrobat to reach)?

Please?

Pretty please?

With sugar vegetables on top?

The Way to a Mother's Heart

Christmas '09 has come and gone.

The presents have been opened, the cookies eaten, the egg nogged, the house destroyed.

It was a wonderful time.

The anticipation leading to Christmas is what it is all about.  I love the build up, the electricity in the air, the wondering and questioning, the traditions that are ironclad.

The aftermath leaves me a bit sad though.  

Sad that it is all over.

And that another year of Christmas memories has come and gone so quickly.

Too quickly.

And that my children are yet another year older.

Sigh.

Thankfully, my kids all gave me homemade Christmas presents this year.  I will be able to see these gifts all year long and remember the moments we shared on Christmas morning.

I'm a sucker for kids' handmade gifts.

Yes, there were a few tears spilt.

Which is what they want and shoot for.

Tears from mom = Victory.  

Kennedy gave me the spring and summer paintings from her Seasons Series. She did winter for me last year and I've been asking her to do the others.  I will rotate them throughout the year using the same frame.

All I need now is the fall painting and my Kennedy Ann Collection is complete.

Taiden made a 2010 calendar for me.

Not only is he saving me the hassle of having to go out and find a new calendar,

but he has given the upcoming months a personalized touch.

Ah, that sun would feel good right now.

Brittan and I have an ongoing Christmas connection - we both cry when he gives me his Christmas gift.  My tears are more abundant, his are more of a mist.  But, for him, Christmas is complete only when we share this moment together. 

He gave me several gifts this year.  The first was a book of things he has been collecting for a very long time.  It includes things like photographs, cards on animals, and drawings that he and Taiden have done.  It even has a printer test sheet in it.  This was his own personal book that he decided to give to me.

He also gave me a self illustrated copy of The Night Before Christmas and some hand picked (from the dollar store) silk flowers for my bedroom.  He was so excited about the flowers.  I put them in the vase he gave me last year.  

They will sit on the bookshelf next to my bed.

Not matching in color to anything I have in my room.

But we moms are sometimes colorblind.

When it comes to our kids and their heartfelt gifts.

To All of Our Deer Friends and Family

Merry Christmas...

from our herd to yours!

A Dash of Gibberish and A Pinch of Gobbledygook

It's the Monday before Christmas.

I'm feeling nothing but randomness.

No lengthy strains of coherent thoughts.

Just specks of nonsensical fluff.

You've been warned.

Turn back now.

Last weekend, Jeff and Taiden hit the slopes.  Jeff took this cool picture with his iPhone.

Is it Taiden ridin' a rail on his board?

Or is it a sighting of Big Foot?

{I'm calling the National Enquirer today...}

A yearly tradition - jump in your PJ's, get in the car, and ride around looking at Christmas lights on a Monday eve.  We always love to head up to ritzy neighborhoods on the hill where the classy light displays are abundant.  But there's also a place in my heart for chintzy, hyperactive light shows. Such is the case up at Layton's City park.  The line up of cars is worse than any In-N-Out Burger grand opening.

The light tunnel should probably post a warning sign similar to those of video games - a warning to parents about the possibility of seizure inducing effects. Our kids came through unscathed, but I had a headache.  Also, nothing says "Christmas" like animated lights showing gorillas cracking coconuts, bears clawing at jumping fish, and unicorns playing along side a knock-off of Ariel and her other under water friends.

I never get sick of seeing this.

***

We pause here for the most annoying Christmas song ever written.

Thanks, George.  And thanks to the radio stations who play it over and over all month.

Click here.

Cringe. 

***

Christmas toys are way overrated.

Simply enjoy a bean and cheese burrito from Rio Grande.

The stringy fun can last for hours.

I think Santa's scratching his head over this one.

Naughty or nice?

This week, he's teetering. 

:D

Everyone should enjoy a Christmas cuddle.

***

We pause now for the greatest Christmas song.

Go to the sidebar and click on the Holly and Ivy.

Why am I so obsessed with those lyrics?

***

Jogging on crunchy snow is not a wise thing to do.

My ankles are angry at me today.

***

My right hand's ring finger will never be the same.

A birthday gift from a friend.

Thanks, Rand!

See this movie.

{It makes me want to be a better and more generous human being.}

Up With Linzer Schnitten, Down With Consumerism

No I didn't just swear in the title of this post.

In fact, Linzer Schnitten is a word that is spoken with respect and reverence in this home.

{in a spirited English accent - much like Oliver Twist} "Mum, may I have some more Linzer Schnitten? Please, dear mum, may I have even just a speck more of Linzer Schnitten?"

Starting in October, the advertisers of the world band together in their great and spacious buildings devoting mountains of money to the effort of channeling into the minds and wants of our little ones. Anyone out there in Christendom knows what a challenge it is to keep the focus on our Savior and not on the latest gizmo or gadget that will soon end up in the bottom of the toy box.  It really is a hard parental task.  Harder still when you, as the parent, get caught up in the excitement of what Christmas morning can bring.  

That's probably why Kennedy ended up with an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas when she was only 3 years old.

This year, I really wanted to try and shift our energies to our traditions and family time leading up to December 25.  By easing up on the self inflicted "must do's" on my rather frantic holiday list, I've allowed for more time to spend with Jeff and the kids.  For 2 years in a row, there will be no Christmas cards sent from this address.  Horrifying, I know. I'll admit that my heart thumps for a minute or two when I get a card in the mail.  I LOVE getting Christmas cards.  Then I second guess my choice of postal silence.  Eventually, I relax and realize that, once again, the world is still spinning on its axis and that the universe can and will go on without the Gregson family picture and yearly update circulating.

{I just hope the Postmaster General doesn't think that I'm breaking up with him.}

So, the traditions and family time have been bounteous this month. Concerts and nativities, music and movies, lights and Christmas books.  It's been a rather cold month so there have also been several stops for Maverik's Hot Chocolate (with French Vanilla creamer).  In the word's of Rachel Ray, "Yum-O!"

The first weekend of the month, I started a new tradition:  The Gregson Clan's Baking Marathon. In short, we measured and mixed and stirred and boiled and rolled and cut and blended and baked for hours.  I mean hours.  It was a two day affair, and at the end, we produced 6 different types of cookies (roughly 21 dozen), two types of fudge, and licorice caramels.

Can you guess how many pounds of butter we used?  

Here is the menu that is accompanying our simple brown craft boxes tied up with red and white baker's twine:

from the gregson kitchen

french buttons

simple, buttery cookies rolled in crystal sugar

reindeer oatmeal crispies

shortbread-oatmeal wheels dusted with powdered sugar

ebenezer's gingerbread cookies

these old fashioned babies definitely aren't stingy with the fresh ginger 

bavarian mint fudge

swirly, twirly minty goodness

belgium chocolate fudge

you're welcome

lump o' coal licorice caramels

you might want to be naughty just so Santa brings these

mini gourmet caramel kringles

these aren't your mom's rice krispie treats

linzer schnitten

jeff's favorite christmas cookie: a unique german recipe

lemon shortbread bites

delicate and lemony and hard to resist

The Christmas music was playing.  The mixers were humming. The flour was flying.  The kitchen windows were fogging.  It was a fun and exhausting 2 days. The kids were proud of their mass production of sweets and I was happy to have them in the kitchen with me.  The freezer is full and ready for company that stops by and the boxes are being assembled for teachers, colleagues, neighbors, family, and friends.

Another tradition has been added to our Christmas season.

***

{And it was 10.

As in 10 pounds of butter.}

9 More Days

December 16.  Less than a dime's worth of days until Christmas.  

Right about now, I'm experiencing one enormous sensory overload - all 5 senses are surged with all things Christmas.  The kids are getting revved up for their holiday break and our checking account is nearly depleted.

Yep, it's almost Christmas.

December 16.  The world is all decked out in it's celebratory attire ready for merriment and well wishing.  No need for party streamers and balloons.  We've got evergreens and tinsel and red and green bows.

It's a perfect time to have a birthday.

But this day is not mine alone.  I share this 9 days before Christmas birthday with a gamut of people that you might recognize.  I've never met any of them personally.  But let's see if I have something in common with my fellow Sagittariuses.

Hallee Hirsche (22)

She played a bratty teenager on one of my favorite TV dramas - ER.

I played a bratty teenager in real life.

Flo Rida (30)

Ah, Flo.   He and I both appreciate music from the 80's.  I danced to Dead or Alive with my highly shellacked, highly flammable coif.  In fact, my bangs nearly rivaled the lead singer's.  Flo Rida gave us a newer version which is off limits in our house.  He needs to sit in on one of our FHE lessons and learn about wholesome music and clean lyrics.  C'mon Flo!

{that is a funny visual...Flo Rida joining us for FHE...

I better watch my bottle of homemade vanilla}

 

Michael McGary  (38)

Former Boyz II Men member (center front).  Provided Jeff and I good kissy-kissy music back in the early 90's.

Benjamin Bratt (44)

Did I EVER think I would be able to post a picture of Benjamin Bratt on my blog and not look like a totally, desperate housewife?

Happy Birthday, Benj!

William "Refrigerator" Perry (47)

In Junior High, a group of us did a lip sync to the Super Bowl Shuffle.  This is when he was the 400 lb. defensive tackle for "Da Bears."

Oh, and we both like food.

Billy Gibbons (60)

OK.....this one is a little bit tougher....I'm a girl.....let me think.........no facial hair.....I bathe daily......um, there's gotta be something......hang on.......OK.  I have it!

ZZ Top sang a song about Legs.  

And I have 2 of them!

Who'da thunk?

Can you name this non-celebrity?

LOVE the Farrah Fawcett hair.

Lesley Stahl  (68)

We both like to talk.  As correspondent/co-editor for 60 minutes, she gets paid for her gift of gab.  I just talk for free and live up to my childhood nickname - Motor Mouth.

Arthur Clark (92)

Penned the book "2001: A Space Odyssey".   

I think we both have large imaginations.

{That's why I'm 38 and still afraid of the dark}

Jane Austen (234)

Did I mention that I share a birthday with THE Jane Austen?

Kennedy and I have chosen Pride and Prejudice as our chick flick.  We speak in English accents for days afterwards.

I can't convince Jeff to play along.

And he doesn't like it when I call him, "Mr. Darcy".

Ludwig Van Beethoven (238)

The oldest of our birthday club and definitely my favorite.  I played Moonlight Sonata when I was younger and loved the haunting beauty of his music.  Deaf and still composing?  Truly inspiring.  I love classical music.

And I love Ludwig.

***

It's been a year since I had to commit to memory a new age for myself.

I'll have to start over again - for the next 365 days, I'll have to remember that I'm 38.

Happy Birthday, December 16thians!

Watch Out Hallmark

*The Arizona Gregsons may not want to spoil any surprises by reading this post.

I love my husband.  I really do.

But he's proven that he cannot be trusted when it comes to helping me with Christmas tasks.

Here's a sampling of the melodious and eloquent writings of Jeffrey Jay - Christmas card style. This tender and heartfelt message is being sent to his brother and his family - along with their Christmas gift.

The Gregsons,

May the warm lovely glow of this glorious season reach your inner bowels.  Will you enjoy the sweet sugar plum kisses of your kindred offspring.

Make this the most festive embrace of holiday cheer and goodwill to man...and to all a good night!

God bless you Merry Gentlemen.

Truly Yours,

The Other Gregsons

***

Amy, I apologize.  Brent, you and Jeff share the same irreverence so this should not come as any shock to you.  

I'm just glad he didn't give any descriptive details about your inner bowels.

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Dear Board of Education,

If it's cold enough outside that my car doors and windows are frozen shut, I think it's too cold for a school day.

My kids and I think on mornings like this, there should be a mandatory stay-home-in-your-PJs-drink- hot-cocoa-and-watch-Christmas-movies-while-munching-on-the-8-dozen-cookies-and-candies-that-mom- brought-home-last-night-from-a-cookie-exchange.  That would be our vote.

I don't want my kids to lose any fingers or toes on their way to or from school.  And their Santa lists have been sent so it's too late to ask him for any replacements.

{Or do you think he accepts addendums?}

Shivering and blue lipped,

Kristen G.

Life's Badges of Honor

I often joke about getting older.   The horrible onset of wrinkles and other physical tattlers of age.  The muffin top around my waist.  The drooping sistas that have lost all elasticity due to 4 babies and their nursing games.  But here's the honest truth - getting older doesn't bother me. In fact, I'm learning to embrace it more all the time.  Sure - who wouldn't want to look 10 years younger?   But I wouldn't want to be 10 years younger.  I feel that I've evolved into somebody that I like and want to continue to get to know better. I'm perfectly imperfect - go back and count how many posts I've written about my weaknesses and flaws in my personality. There are plenty.  But the person that I see in the reflection each morning is someone who has earned every wrinkle on her face - each line reminds me of the distance I have come over the years and the hurdles I have managed.  The lessons learned. The emotional battles fought.  The tender moments of humility or the stings of humiliation.  The natural progression of growing up, getting older, and becoming (hopefully) wiser.  

They say that you never know what a person has gone through until you walk a mile in their shoes.  But how about tracing the lineage of their wrinkles? Wouldn't that be so telling?    

One thing that I have really gained over the years is the ability to not worry about what other's think.  In my youth, I spent way too much time fretting about external opinions and expectations that I had no control over.  I was fearful of doing something embarrassing in front of others. What would they say about me?  Who would they tell?  I held back and missed out on so many opportunities in life.

So now I'm making up for that self-conscious lost time of my youth.

Last Saturday, I was shopping at The Wals-Mart all by my lonesome. No kids. No make-up. No worries that I was wearing badly faded jeans, tenny runners, and a hat to hide my bedhead.  I left my pride at home and was fine with any chance meetings with familiar faces that I might see.  

As my shopping journey unfolded, an opportunity presented itself.  

I could not turn it down.

Call it an early mid-life crisis if you will, but I'm livin' life and not worried about the shouldn'ts, wouldn'ts, couldn'ts.

At almost 38 years old, I didn't need my kids around to have a visit with Santa Claus.

And he didn't even notice my wrinkles.

*Post Note:  Wouldn't the Drooping Sistas be a great name for a book club?  Or maybe a matronly rock band?

When Penmanship is Crucial

When offering a reward for a lost object, it is vital that you give an accurate and detailed description.

And that your handwriting is legible.

Are we searching for a "gay stormtrooper"?

Or a "guy stormtrooper?"

I'll Tell of Two Tales: Tradition and Tragedy

This post was originally going to only be of joy and holly and fa-la-la-ing. 

But Shaw invited Murphy and his danged law over yesterday so our postcard perfect post has taken a slight detour.

A detour to Gravityville.

I'll tell you more about that in a second.  But first - drum roll please - I present to you (with no commercial interruptions) the Gregson Kids' Ornament Extravaganza!  Huzzah!

I buy an ornament for each of the kids annually.  A hanging memory of sorts that represents something about them for that year.  This is one of their favorite parts of the Christmas season. Unpacking the box of tree decorations sends the kids on a one-way trip to Memory Lane.  They can't wait to remind me of what each ornament represents.  I just smile and play along as they retell the meaning behind every bauble as if to jog my memory.  Most of their ornaments tend to dangle from the lowest branches on decorating night, but somehow migrate upwards after they go to bed.

Here are their ornaments this year:

Shaw sleeps with a white teddybear dressed in a pink snowman hoodie.  Yes, most definitely pink. This bear was a prize thrown from Bukoos (a local merchant) during our Farmington Days parade in July.  The bear is from The Cheesecake Factory so his nickname is "Cheesecake" or "Strawberry Cheesecake".  Shaw loves his little stuffed friend and won't go to sleep without him.  His ornament is not quite the right shade but we'll make it work.

Brittan, newly baptized and now old enough for scouts, was so excited for these 2 milestones. He will definitely be one of those boys who wants to pass off everything in the scout book.  He really looked forward to getting his scout shirt and he made sure I knew that he wanted a scarf.

Taiden discovered sushi this year.  That was the one request that he had when we went to Florida - to be able to eat sushi in the Japan Pavilion in Epcot.

Kennedy's ornament was a little more difficult.  I wanted to go in the direction of her being an officer this year but couldn't find a Husky (school mascot), or an officer sweater, or a Husky wearing an officer sweater.  (Heck, if I can find a sushi ornament, shouldn't I be able to find that?!)  So I had to get creative. Green is her school color.  The sparkly glitter represents her personality and the fun she's had so far in 8th grade.  The crazy, busy strands represent her too - she is crazy busy.  With her officer duties requiring going to 1 - 2 athletic games a week, homework, YW, and the other things that occupy her time, she is always on the go.  

Now...

deep breathing...

going to my happy place...

images of a Martha Stewart Christmas house of my own...

counting back from 10...

popping another Valium... (Just kidding about the Valium part.  I don't do drugs.  I just self-medicate with sugar.)

The Tragedy of the Tannenbaum Trio

It's been 6.5 years since we've had a toddler in the house, but apparently it's still in their molecular make-up to be attracted to Christmas decorations. Heavens - with Star Wars ornaments dangling next to toy ornaments next to cookie ornaments falsely advertising that they're edible - what should a 19 month old do?  His world is one of touching, and pulling, and playing, and exploring.  

And that's just exactly what he did yesterday morning as I was trying to slap on some mascara.

Here's some of the carnage.  While Dorothy's Ruby Slipper and Jeff's Bugs Bunny are unharmed, Santa has lost both legs and Simba has been decapitated.

Mr. Gingerbread Man is smiling 'cause he's still technically hanging on the tree, but the Dalmatian has just experienced a toddler hit-n-run.

Ghastly!  

Kennedy's piano suffered the most damage.  I find peace in knowing that my piano is on the ground level of our home and that this is not a foreshadowing.

The minute I heard the shrills of terror coming from Shaw, I knew exactly what had happened. See this is not the first time someone should have yelled, "TIMBER!".  It's happened with 2 other kids.  4 tall and thin trees loaded down with yearly remembrances makes for an unstable situation when a 1 year old is let loose.

My solution?

Wrapped bricks and rocks to help anchor the trees.  Great idea - just 4 hours too late this year.

December 3rd and we already have all of our bad Christmas Karma out of the way.  The trees have fallen, been repaired, and put back together and our Christmas Present Peeker has been ousted.  As long as we don't freeze to death tonight at Temple Square (10 degrees) we should be good.

But will you keep us in your prayers just to be sure?