Choosing to Follow

On Sunday, while at church, I sat between my 14 year old daughter and 8 year old son.

Many couples have the strict rule that they will never let their children come between them - even when it comes to the Sacrament Meeting pew. Jeff and I, however, are not one of those couples. Seating assignments are strategically thought out long before we walk into the chapel. The Sabbath morning routine - on any given week - helps us determine who is going to be able to sit by whom. An early accounting is taken of squabbles and nitpicking between our children, and potentially irreverent combinations are broken up before their fannies even hit the bench.

That's why I was sitting between my 14 year old daughter and 8 year old son.

{It was for the betterment of the congregation.}

As we started to sing the opening hymn, I noticed that Brittan was sitting quite snugly to my side. As the music continued, I realized that he was listening to me sing. He was trying to follow my lead with the song. It was a hymn he was unfamiliar with, so he couldn't carry the tune on his own. As a result, he was singing Alto - just like me. His young voice was trying to chase mine - up and down the staff to the various notes.

Kennedy was also singing. She, as well, was singing Alto. Only with her, she was a little more musically steady. She has sat by my side through hundreds of Sacrament Meetings over the years, and her ears have become accustomed to picking out the lower notes on the treble clef. The notes that balance and soothe. The notes that let the Sopranos take the glory, but are still vitally important to the beauty of the piece. She is a good little singer - hearing the harmony and symmetry of the music.

As I sat between them, I started to think about how we strive for this type of situation as parents. On the one hand, I had a younger child who was following my lead because he thought I had the answers and I knew what to do. He was unsure of where to go, what course to take (sing). He listened attentively and wanted to be like me. I was his mom and he respected my ability to guide him through the task at hand.

Kennedy was slightly different. She had her independence but, from time to time, was choosing to reconnect with me to make sure she was where she needed to be. She wasn't following blindly - like her brother. She had enough skills and knowledge to act on her own, but she still wanted to look to me for some guidance. She, too, wanted to be where I was. She was choosing to follow me.

{I wish this example could carry over into every other aspect of my parenting world.}

Being a parent is easy. Being a good parent is tough.

The key is to do enough things correctly when they are young, that they have faith in you. They trust you and your judgement. They want to emulate your good qualities as they grow older and more independent. They want to be like you in character - in word, in deed.

The key, and the ultimate parental challenge, is to be the kind of example that they want to follow.