All of This Because I Was Hungry

Who knew that standing in front of my toaster oven, fully decked out in my early morning gorgeousness, could be so enlightening and soul searching.

Believe me folks, if it can happen to me, it can happen to you.

I'd like to make believe that moments of epiphany happen easily and frequently to me.  That my day is dotted with sparks of light and wisdom.  But it's just not the case.  I'm too foggy in the brain most of the time for such things.  It's usually when I'm least expecting it that moments of heightened personal awareness come washing over me.

This particular morning, it came washing over me before I'd even had a chance to wash the sandman's dew out of my eyes.  

This is what the universe (actually let's narrow it down quite a bit - it was the Spirit) was trying to tell me. Simplicity is peace.  Simplicity is tranquility.  Simplicity is order.

And I don't have peace or tranquility or order in my life because I do not have simplicity.

I was making cinnamon toast.  Not the most notable of morsels nor the breakfast of champions. Simple cinnamon sugar, thrown together with the utmost randomness, sprinkled over Grandma Sycamore's Honey Grain bread that had been thinly smeared with butter.  Simple. Easy.  But as I bit into the first piece (I always eat my cinnamon toast in pairs) I thought, "Boy this is good.  Really good."  And that's when it hit me.

Life doesn't have to be complicated to be good.

So much of the time I feel like I've forgotten how to take a deep breath.  How to relax.  How to sit in the quiet of an afternoon, with only the soft sounds of a sleeping baby whispering through the stillness, and just relax.  Uncoil. Decompress.  Just be.

Instead, my mind cycles through the agendas that I must climb through later today, and tomorrow, and next Saturday, and 2 years down the road.

Why can't my mind turn off?

It's like somebody pushed repeat play in my head and a calendar of chatter never stops.  

As moms, I think we sometimes feel like we have to fill our lives and the lives of our kids with opportunities, and events, and activities, and goals, and lessons, and clubs, and teams, and developing of talents, in order to prove or feel like we've achieved something.  It's as if we believe there is some imaginary mother resume that we must be able to hand in at a moment's notice.  "Mine sure as heck better look good," we tell ourselves.  It is such a juggling act. We know all of the above mentioned things are good and wholesome and worthwhile.  

But when it takes away from the delicate balance that is the family, a balance of doing what truly is important and still finding time to breathe...slowly...in and out..., I've decided it just isn't that worthwhile anymore.  If all of these things start affecting how the people doing these things are enjoying life, their childhood, their memories, their interactions and time together, then it definitely is not a worthwhile part of life.  

We've heard this counsel from the Brethren repeatedly in conferences throughout the years.  I remember hearing in one address that Satan's greatest tool against mothers nowadays is distractions.  That doesn't just mean shopping, and reading vampire books, and surfing the web, and sultry soaps. It can also mean filling our time and minds with too many things - distracting us from quality time with our kids, husbands, and our Heavenly Father.  

As we try to measure up in our minds of what it takes to be an excellent mother, we will always have areas in which we fall short.  Our houses can't be immaculate all day.  Our kids will have runny noses and messy clothes from time to time.  We can't serve gourmet meals, packed with the perfect combination of vitamins and flavor, every night of the week.  We can strive for cultural experiences for our kids, but sometimes that may mean just stopping by the library for story hour.  We can't do all, give all, and expect all from ourselves or our families.  There will be gaps.  There will be holes.  Sometimes, there may be huge voids that look back at us ominously and we'll feel overwhelmed.  But that is when we must reach for our scriptures, kneel in prayer, and ask for help from our Father in Heaven and our Savior.

They will fill in those gaps.  Fill them in with peace, and tranquility and order.

And They will help us practice the art of breathing again.  Even if we've forgotten how to do it efficiently on our own.

Because oxygen does a body good.

And so does a simple piece of cinnamon toast.