Evolution

Evolution:  (noun)  A gradual process in which something changes into a different 

and usually more complex or better form. 

I'm not quite sure when it started.  It happened so quickly - in an unsuspecting blink.  If I had to pinpoint a space in time (and I am one who likes concrete details) it would be August 25, 2008. That would be the day she started Jr. High.

I'm one who is usually content with change.  Change is good.  It can mean moving on to grander and more exciting things.  It can indicate progress and growth.  Change mixes things up, rattles us around for a minute or two, throws us back on our feet, and lets us realize our sometimes unrecognized abilities and strengths.  Yes, change is good.  But not when it comes to messin' with my kids.

Shaw gained his first sliver of a tooth this last week.  I moaned and groaned and asked, "Why, oh why?" and shook my fists over the horror of it all.  I so desperately want the sands of time to slow to a stroll rather than sprint to the finish with my little (former) gummer.  I truly don't want him to grow up.  The raw emotions that I feel about my little Muncher getting big are almost tangible.  The realization that this is probably my last time experiencing each of these stages makes me panic.  I can't miss a moment.  But, I know each phase brings with it pleasant change. Cute results.  Picture worthy events.  Quiet times of breathing in my sleeping baby's breath and committing moments to memory.  I know some of what lies ahead.  I've experienced it 3 times already.

But Kennedy is a different story.  She is our trail blazer.  Our lone guide into the world of teenage-dom.  She is the first of our children to live in the realm of hormones and zits, hearing bad language in the hallways, and dependence on electronic gadgets.  Unlucky for her, her parents have only approved email and iPods so far.

Just a short 8 months ago she was still within the safe and innocent elementary world.  How rough can an environment sprinkled with Hello Kitty shirts, Spiderman pencils, and light up shoes be?  How much evil can reside within a building that holds a smattering of children eating morning snacks, enjoying circle time, and learning to use an inside voice?  Hallelujah for hallways full of naivety!

Now, halfway through her 7th grade year, I clearly see the natural evolution of my little girl into a young woman.  Life tends to get heavier as we get older.  She is more solemn and lost in her thoughts.  She worries about having to change into gym clothes in the locker room.  She stresses about ornery teachers, getting plowed over in the hallway, and whether or not her shoes look good with her outfit.  In years past, when I'd see her at her kinder and gentler school she'd run down the hallway, arms stretched out wide yelling, "Mom!" not caring who heard or saw.  Now, if she sees me in her school on her territory, she gives me a simple wave and grin and goes on talking to her friends.  Gulp!   Change is good?

While Jr. High has roughened some of her edges (for survival purposes) and has encouraged her to utter those earth shattering words, "Dad, you're embarrassing me!" I know this must be. Changes for her and changes for me.  I've had my turn living these transformations. Now it's my turn to watch.  I don't know which is worse. 

At the end of the day I take comfort in seeing the glimpses of her younger self.  She still wants her dad to tuck her into bed each and every night.  She likes watching iCarly on Nickelodeon. She continues to have a favorite blanket, wants to rest her head on my shoulder, and sighs fondly when she sees a pretty Barbie doll.  The sparkle of her youth has turned into the shine of who she is becoming.  The change is beautiful.  She's still the academically gifted, compassionate, sweet, and friendly Kennedy who has her feet firmly planted in the gospel.  She still loves us and forgives us of our imperfect parenting (which she sees more keenly).  She's a good kid.  

She just rolls her eyes more often.